As I travel, I am learning more about how much our own culture shapes us in ways that we don’t really fully see until we really spend time with other cultures and let them open up to us. Whilst living in Southern Sudan, I kept learning more and more that I make assumptions about what is common to all people without realising. The more time you get to spend in a different culture, even one that seems similar to your own, and they open themselves to you to teach you, the more it becomes evident that there are many different ways to tackle a particular problem. I often feel that we in what we call the “developed” world feel that our way of doing something is “the right way” and therefore the right way for everyone in the world. I have come to see that this is not the case. There are many ways to do things in life and often it is not ‘right’ or ‘wrong’, but simply different. Whilst in Southern Sudan, I came to see that what I called “common sense” is not really common at all nor is it instinctively within every person in every place; it is a learned behaviour or way of thinking that then becomes automatic. In fact, what I might think makes sense (because it is ‘common sense’) doesn’t make any sense when I try to translate that to a completely different environment.
I think that even when we have the best of intentions to help others, we end up offending people because we don’t take the time to draw alongside them, live in their culture and listen to how they approach situations, and how that has come about and works for them. I find that this has clouded my own view of humanitarian interventions. It seems to me that there are 3 types of people who help other people; one group wants to swoop in and save the day, another helps out of guilt for having screwed everything up in the first place or delayed in taking action, and the third may have been one of the other groups but after years of serving has become cynical and are therefore just in it for the money or the adventure. I realise that I am an idealist person who deeply desires and believes on some level that it is possible for everyone to get along, have what they need to live and be happy.
But as I look at our troubled world with its prejudices, conflict, disasters, death and pain and mourn for it and question why we don’t just love each other and live in peace, I realise that I need to start with my own prejudices, inaction, lack of compassion and selfishness. I often find that I can quickly become depressed at myself for the times that I screw things up with friends or am less than friendly with strangers, and lack of generosity with my time and money. However, it is better to admit that I have made mistakes, and make mistakes, and say sorry, learn and try to do better next time. I’m sorry to those friends and strangers I have upset or offended. I wish I could go back and do things differently. I think that you are all amazing people and I feel blessed that I get a chance to know you and to spend time with you. I love to hear people’s stories, to find out what has shaped them in their life, to understand their opinions, their hopes and fears and the way that they live their life. I’m sorry for when my own story and worries take up too much of my mind or my conversation. I feel like if I can help someone who asks for my help or draw alongside a friend who is hurting, maybe my life will be worthwhile; maybe I won’t be taking up too much space.
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